Men What do you Think?

Ok..so me and my husband have been separated for 41/2 months...I love my husband with all my heart. He left me. I gave him an ultimatum to work on our marriage or to leave..he chose to leave me. I was shocked! I thought he would love me enough to make things work. Well I was devastated and at first really depressed..so i held on to God and went to church and got into bible study. I gave him his space and from time to time we would have talks. But they would always end up really bad, I would get upset or he would just shut down on me like always! Well Little by little truths started coming out, people would tell me they saw my husband out with a woman..or that he would be at bars with this same woman! I get a phone call from a woman saying shes sleeping with him..so i was really hurt over it! So i did the natural human thing..what our flesh says is ok...BUT our spirit tells us not to do. He swore that it was all accusations....and that none of it was true. He claims the woman they see him with is his cousin..like a woman in love i want to believe him. Well I started to go out and enjoy my freedom more..spend my money how i want to, go back to school, gave myself a real big make over and just completely reinvented myself! I began talking to my ex boyfriend. (he n i dated for about four years before i married my husband) We were always hanging out and talking to each other. I substituted church with bars and bible study with late nights at able bees having lots of Perfect Margaritas! All the while my husband and I were just talking but he made it clear to me that he had no intentions of ever coming back..When i would tell him to just file for divorce he would tell me that he wasn't ready to do that yet. SO I Was in LIMBO!! Which is really hard to be in...The not knowing what was going to happen to us was really stressful. SO one night i go over to a friends house...(oh by the way..i decided to stop all communication with my ex because, I still loved my husband and knew it wasn't right.) SO we are at my friends house and Im slamming back shots and drinking like a race horse..next thing I know im making a fool of myself vomiting all over his couches and i end up crashing out in his kids bedroom! (not my proudest moment!!) Well I wake up to my ex at the foot of my bed. (my ex boyfriend) WEll call him C. He was asking if I was ok cuz I was crying and vomiting in my sleep. So i asked if he could just lay next to me cuz i felt lonely. (he was there because we are all mutual friends...in case you were wondering.) SO he did. We had already decided that it would be best to just stay friends and to give each other time to heal over our relationships. NExt thing I know I wake up to movement and he was on top of me! We were engaging in . I freaked out so I pushed him off and rolled off the bed and started to cry out for my husband. My friends must have heard me so they came in the room and wrapped me in a blanket. I was covered in my own vomit!! My friends wife took me to the shower and laid me in her bed. I Was out for the night and the next morning! I went home and Ive been feeling very guilty over it. Its been three weeks since this happened..i haven't been able to sleep or eat or anything. Ive been really disgusted with myself. Im not the type of woman to sleep around or have affairs. So I told my husband yesterday. I couldn't take it anymore. The guilt was eating at me. I explained what happened. He went off the chart. He called me every name you could imagine to describe a ; slut; susia!! It was ugly. Im really heart broken over this..and i feel like this was the straw that broke the camels back. Im asking all the men out there...does he mean what he says right now? Is it really over? In your honest opinion what should i do? Should I ume its really over already? Its only been two days since i broke the news. He was very physical with me...he had never laid a hand on me before or ever called me those types of names. I have NEVER done anything like this and we were separated! Not that it justifies it. I really still love him. I want to get back with Him. Any body please help me!! He claims that i wanted it..that i wanted to have with c. But if i had been sober I can guarantee that would never have happened. I feel so guilty, and disgusted, ive only been with my husband ually. He was the only man i slept with for the last six years. Please be honest. Thank-You